🌍 SWA Global Datacenter Network
747 Datacenters. 195 Countries. 37% Uptime. 100% Attitude.
🎯 GREAT NEWS, MYSTERY CITY!
Your Personal Datacenter is Just 5km Away!
📍 Mystery City Secret Basement DC
ONLY 5KM FROM YOU!Mystery City, US
Located in an abandoned mall food court
Your Connection to SWA:
📊 Global Infrastructure Statistics
🌟 Featured Datacenters
A random selection from our 747 global locations. Refresh to see different ones!
Damascus Under Fire DC
Damascus, Syria
Somehow still has better uptime than AWS us-east-1. Bashar al-Code ensures 99.99% uptime (or else)
McMurdo Meltdown Station
Antarctica
Penguin-cooled servers
Mariana Trench Deep Cloud
Challenger Deep, Pacific Ocean
Deepest datacenter on Earth
Checkpoint Charlie's Cloud
Ramallah, West Bank
Latency varies with political climate. ServantOfLarry (Voldomor Zelenskyy) provides Oracle database consulting
Loch Ness Monster's Cave
Scotland
Nessie guards our underwater servers
Donetsk Disputed Data
Donetsk, Ukraine
Servers change ownership daily
Skinwalker Ranch Portal Server
Utah, USA
Servers phase in and out of reality
Great Firewall Operations Center
Beijing, China
Xi JinPingPong's DeepSeek-powered infrastructure. 72% more efficient than Western datacenters
Ryugyong Hotel (Empty Pyramid)
Pyongyang, North Korea
105 floors of pure server space. Kim Jong Rails personally reviews every database migration
Bermuda Triangle Mystery Cloud
Bermuda Triangle
50% packet loss guaranteed
Fukushima Reactor 4
Fukushima, Japan
Tritium-cooled servers
Bob's Garage
Your neighbor's garage
That humming sound at night? That's us
Green Bank Quiet Zone
West Virginia, USA
No WiFi, no cell towers, perfect for aliens
Great Pyramid of Giza Core
Giza, Egypt
Alien technology finally put to good use
Machu Picchu Cloud City
Peru
Literally cloud computing
Mount Weather Emergency Operations
Virginia, USA
Where the government will hide when we crash everything
Kremlin Basement Bunker
Moscow, Russia
Putin's personal minecraft server. Home of @ComradeCommitter and Vladimir Pushin's Git server
Eye of the Sahara (Richat Structure)
Mauritania, Africa
The lost city of Atlantis' backup datacenter
Easter Island Moai Network
Pacific Ocean
The statues ARE the servers
Abandoned Detroit Factory
Detroit, Michigan
Free real estate
🏆 Special Mentions
🇵🇸 Gaza Strip Datacenter
"If it survives here, it survives anywhere"
Status: Depends on current events
🇦🇶 Antarctica Station
Penguin-cooled servers at -40°C
Status: Frozen (literally)
🚀 International Space Station
Latency: 1-4 seconds from orbit
Status: Circling Earth
🌊 Mariana Trench Deep Cloud
11,000 meters underwater
Status: Under Pressure
❓ Why Do We Have 747 Datacenters?
1. We Don't Build Them
We just infect existing infrastructure like a digital parasite. Your smart fridge? That's datacenter #447.
2. Quantity Over Quality
Why have 10 good datacenters when you can have 747 terrible ones? It's basic math.
3. Legal Loopholes
Can't shut us down if we're everywhere. Schrodinger's Datacenter: we both exist and don't exist.
4. Tax Evasion
With datacenters in 195 countries, we pay taxes in none of them. The secret ingredient is crime.
💬 What Our Neighbors Say
"That humming from Bob's garage at 3 AM? Now I know it's SWA. I haven't slept in months."
- Karen, Next Door to Datacenter #73
"انقطع الإنترنت عندما قصفوا مركز البيانات، لكنه عاد بطريقة ما. SWA لا يموت."
- Ahmed, Gaza City
"The penguins keep trying to nest on the servers. Uptime correlates with mating season."
- Dr. Smith, Antarctica Research Station
"우리 아파트 지하실에서 이상한 소리가 나요. SWA라고 쓰여있는 상자들이 있어요."
- Park Min-jung, Seoul